Not feeling the MAGIC

I say I'm not feeling the magic, because here we are just a few days before Disneyland aka the happiest place on earth, and I feel like the kids are at their worst.

Particularly, my cute, little, Rachel has been giving me all sorts of trouble these days.

As an incentive for getting to buy a toy at Disneyland, Rachel has been trying to earn "disney dollars", and it has been hard to find opportunities to give them to her, but much easier to take them away.  She's been pushing her brother, getting her panties wet (an ongoing issue depending on the month ... please be a phase she'll grow out of), yelling (can't imagine where she picked that up.. eh hem), talking back like a teenager, not staying in timeout and lots of whining.

There are lots of positive things about her these days as well:  Good playmate to Andrew, eats meals on her own so well and tries everything, fairly easy to fall asleep and she sleeps in her own bed, she's a trooper when she gets sick (which is very often) and she never dwells on it when she gets hurt (brave), she loves to be read to, and gives thoughtful, sincere prayers that make my heart smile.

Story from this week:  on our way home from Five Guys tonight (oh man, it was my first time - thank you Dobson's for the introduction!), we were dropping off a Redbox movie, and Brandon was teasing Rachel about maybe leaving mommy at the gas station.  She loves me, so she of course said, "No Daddy, don't leave mommy".  Then he said, "Well, what does mommy do for us that we need her?"  Rachel replied, "She cleans the house, drives us to stores, and takes out the trash ... and drives us to more stores."  Yep, that pretty much sums it up, although I disagree that we shop all that much.  And I do take them to parks quite a bit, but of course I don't get credit for that.

These kids are MESS MAKERS!  All I do is clean, and it doesn't even look that awesome.  I probably haven't done a great job at enforcing "one toy at time" policy, but is that even possible?  And it is such a fight to get them to help clean it up unless I am right there helping, right when they're done playing with something.  I try to look at the positive side ... at least they are entertaining themselves.

Guilt moment:  I have been terrible at any sort of art projects with the kids these days.  Rachel could do art for a long time, but it is hard with Andrew because he wants to be involved, but I don't have much patience for crayons, markers and paint with that boy.  Crayons to him = snack.  However, I am good at getting the kids out of the house daily.  Either a trip to the park or walk around the block or playing in the backyard ... what are we going to do this summer?!

Rachel's favorites:  "Gnomeo & Juliet", the movie, daddy's nightly "Fluffly the Turtle" or Mickey stories and someone to lay by her for a few minutes, her cousin, Kennedy.

Andrew's favorites:  "treat", cows, family prayer, "movie" (Baby Einstein, Mickey or Gnomeo & Juliet), "no no no no", the color blue, singing songs

Movie time - I took a picture because they were sitting so close together, it was cracking me up.

I gave them yogurts, and the next thing I know,  they're eating them together inside a box - of course they are!

Go, Cubs, Go! & GNO

Brandon & Jason, Rachel & Sophia - fast friends already holding hands

This weekend we went to a Cubbies spring training game and no, I have no idea what the score was - I'm pretty sure we won - I'm a die hard fan like that.  At least I wore blue & red (sort of).  Don't get me wrong, I had a great time.  We went with one of Brandon's co-workers and his family, and they have a girl and a boy at just about the same ages as ours (their names so I remember - Jason, Sonya, Sophia & Ryker).  We got lawn seats and found a place where the kids could run around and play freely.  I think Sonya said it best when she said, I think we just payed $25 to let the kids play at a park - amen, sister!  But it made our husband's happy and we got to know some new friends.  

Sidenote:  a few weekends ago, Brandon and I went to dinner on the firm's bill since he was taking out a recruit who's flight wasn't leaving until the next morning.  We went with the interviewee (happened to be from UofC) and another couple from B's firm - Joe & Danielle, out to Hillstone (same group as Bandera) and we had a really great evening!  Appetizer, main course, drink & dessert all paid for - yes, please!!  The Roth's have a little girl and are expecting number 2, a boy, and we had a lot more in common with them that I would have anticipated.  I enjoy getting to know Brandon's co-workers' families because it makes his work-life a lot more real to me, and it makes me feel like I'm part of work too - in a small way, of course.  We'll have to get together with them more often.  

Also, Lore came into town for a weekend visit (without her kids) and it was so fun to catch up and hang out!!  It felt like it had been a long time, yet at the same time, it felt very normal.  Mandy, Lore and I went to Ikea and Cheesecake Factory to celebrate.  We also hung out at our place all morning, my kids were a disaster and looked and acted kind of terrible, especially since I was very distracted, but we needed to get in all the girl time we could.  So happy to have seen her!!

Dance Recital

Rachel had a little dance recital the first weekend in March, and it was a VAST IMPROVEMENT if we're talking about trying to follow the teacher compared to last year's.  I posted the video below - Rachel's the one in the back row and if you only want to watch the best one minute, then I'd say 1:30-2:30.  I could tell she was really making an effort to do the dance moves and still having a great time.  My favorites are when she constantly has to get back on her little tape mark, coughs into her elbow, fairy dust sprinkle and spin, still so proud of first position, the girl in front of her who did.not.do.one.dance.move, it's all pretty good, but then again, I'm her biased mother.

My Grandma & Grandpa Thompson had their motorhome about 15 minutes away from us for about 2 weeks, so we got to see them a few times while they were so close.  We had them over for dinner one night, and then we visited their motorhome.  Grandpa gave us a ride in his little golf cart and the kids sang songs for them (technically Rachel would sing and then Andrew would say, "a one more?!"), we played "I spy", ate her snacks and looked for her cat who was hiding from the kids.  Anyway, Gma & Gpa also came to Rachel's little recital, which was very nice.

Recital video password is pink.

Great Grandma & Grandpa Thompson, we're glad they're snowbirds!!

Not the greatest pic, but of all Andrew's shirts, this is his favorite one - if he sees it, he gets so excited and says, "blue, blue blue!"  

Winter blues

I'm not sure how I've gotten the winter blues living in Arizona with perfect winter weather, but it feels like I've been extra emotional about the most random things the last few months.

I have the thought often that I am not doing enough (particularly with reading / studying the scriptures and being sincerely prayerful).  I'm having guilt, but it's not transferring into an any action or change in behavior.  Dare I say that I am lacking a desire in this area?

I have also been seeking ways to increase my happiness having to do with church service ... I'm just not getting that warm, fuzzy feeling when serving but feeling irritable, stressed and resentment.  And then I research a topic like "Sacrifice" (i.e., church talk) or go to the temple and I am reminded about the importance of dedicating ourselves to building the kingdom.

I keep reminding myself of the importance of my yearly goals but for whatever reason, I seem to keep putting them off (I'll get to that after camp, or do that after that YW activity that I'm in charge of, etc.).  I am trying to look for realistic ways to work on my relationships and do more sweet things for my husband and children.

I have also been having a lot of negative thoughts it seems, so I'm trying to figure out ways on how to see the positive in more situations and trying to think about what I say before I say it.

Speaking of the positive, here goes ... I am going to pat myself on the back for doing a better job at dishes and making the beds (nowhere near perfect, but better) and I am continuing my budget tracking and have been able to help a few family members as well.

I have come a long way on my attitude towards my neighborhood.  I am so happy with our house and our backyard is perfect for the kids.  I long for a family-friendly neighborhood, but that will come one day.  Our neighbors keep very private and hidden away and there is a very wide demographics of age, with us being the very youngest by a long shot.  I am also continuing to work on my attitude towards my ward ... I'm pretty sure it's a well known fact that I've struggled with feeling like I fit in here.  That plus the realization that we will not ever be in a ward like Hyde Park - so I can just be grateful for the experiences I had there, but will not use it as measuring stick against future wards, because I know that it just won't measure up.  A lot of those good feelings had to do with the time of life we were in - a young, married couple just starting our family and we were surrounded by so many other church member that were in the exact same situation as us.  It was pretty special.  So I am working on appreciating my ward for what it is and trying to focus on the worship part of church, and focusing less on any social part.  And to be honest, I leave church many times after wrestling with the kids, wondering if anyone got anything out of it.  But I'm glad to have gone and fulfilled our duty, partaken of the sacrament and at least made an attempt to worship.  I also try to be kind, particularly to new-comers, but deep down I know that I am a little jaded and hope I don't come across that way.  I regret the fact that I cowardly "gave up" after the first year and half to two years here.  I wonder what others say about us - not too many know enough to talk - and I know it's not important, but I still wonder.  On a positive note, I rarely gossip about others in the ward to friends especially since I don't know anyone's business to share, so that has been a breath of fresh air and I have been guilt-free in that department.  See, look at me being little-miss-positive-pants.  :)

I am happy in my mother role.  Monday through Friday, I am pretty gung-ho and keep a good routine for the kids.  I naturally ease off a little on the weekends - less timeouts, less cleaning, etc.  Of course I could do better in some areas, but I don't beat up on myself, I self correct pretty easily in this role and can easily recognize the areas that need improving.  Then I try to work on those things and do what's best for each kid.  It's a challenging, and a sometimes rewarding job and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I have learned more about myself as a parent, then I ever imagined, and I love those two kidlets more than I ever thought was possible.