Rachel's take on the big move

First day of school at a new school - Sego Lily Elementary

Paisley & Lily Worthen are Sego Lily Roadrunners!

Rachel loves Kyle & Katherine's pet rat

When we first decided to move to Utah, I didn't worry about Rachel much at all.  For her entire life, she has given us a hard time about us living away from all our extended family in Utah.  Every single trip to Utah, she has a hard time saying goodbye to everyone and asks us why we don't live in Utah.  Despite her relentless requests, her opinion was not a big factor in our decision making process (the driving force in our decision was a career change and where Brandon would have the best opportunities).  Once we made the decision and got the official job offer, we were excited to tell her.  She is outgoing, adventurous and a social butterfly and I knew she could make new friends quickly.  When we told the kids, Rachel ran around the room shouting that her "dreams had finally come true!" and she was so excited that she could hardly stand it.  Then about two minutes later, reality set in and she got real quiet and the tears began to flow and her heart broke.  She thought about all the things she'd be leaving in Arizona that she loved - her school, best friends, house, etc.  We had successfully and simultaneously made all her dreams come true and ruined her life all in the same moment.

I have been surprised at how hard this move has been on her!!  She was so stressed out about starting a new school - not knowing if the teachers were kind, wondering who the bullies and nice kids were, missing her group of friends, getting lost in the school, etc.  We had less than two weeks notice to figure out what elementary school to put her in, so Brandon and I were stressed too.  We would be living in Orem with Nancy & Val, but we were hopeful that we'd be living in/around Lehi for more of the school year than in Orem.  If we started her at school in Lehi, then she could start making friends there and we could get to know the area better.  We initially decided on Eaglecrest Elementary where I have two friends who go there who both have 2nd grade girls who I hoped would befriend Rachel.  We also had seen a few houses for sale in that area while we'd been looking and were interested that area.  We got an out-of-area approval and thought about it over the weekend.  I couldn't help but keep thinking of Sego Lily Elementary, where we hadn't found any houses for sale and weren't as familiar with the area, but the Worthen kids went to that school (Paisley - 1st & Lily - 3rd) and I knew that it would also be a good option.  You know those choices when you are choosing between two good things - those are sometimes the hardest decisions to make!  We finally settled on Sego Lily and made it to Utah just a couple days before school started.

Rachel put on a brave face for her first day and wore her "have courage and be kind" shirt.  The school had set up an adorable red carpet for the kids to walk into the school.  We had practiced where she should go from there and I watched her turn the corner and walk down the hallway.  When she turned to say one last goodbye, tears were streaming down her face, so we ran to her to give her one last hug and pep talk - so much for that, I started crying like a baby too.  But then we saw Lily and Paisley and they SAVED the day!  It was such a comfort to Rachel to know that they were at the same school and those girls were the best part of her day for the first couple weeks.  They were kind to her and met her on the playground until she got her bearings and started making some 2nd grade friends.  In retrospect, I am so grateful she ended up at Sego Lily because Lily and Paisley helped Rachel so much during those first couple weeks, which made the world of difference.

We also totally scored on Rachel's teacher, Mr. Rindlisbacher.  Since we were coming in so late in the game, we didn't have any opportunity to request a teacher and I knew a lot of the classrooms would be full.  Rachel was very nervous that she got assigned a boy teacher, but now she thinks he is the best and she is thriving in his class!  Mr. Rindy told me that when they asked him if he wanted her as a student (before meeting her), he was hesitant because he had another Rachel in the class, but he took a chance and said yes and he told me that he is very grateful to have her in class.  Not only is Rachel is a great student, a good helper, and kind to others, but I also volunteer every week in his classroom and am one of the room moms.  (Usually I am not so ambitious about volunteering so much at the school, but I thought it would help Rachel with her transition.)  Rachel getting assigned to his class was a tender mercy that I am truly grateful for, and I can see that God has had a hand in even the smallest of details with this move.

So we survived the first couple weeks of a new school, she started soccer & piano lessons with Grandma Nancy and we settled into a routine.  The rest has been a bit of a blur because her and I have had a rough go at it.  It's nothing too new because we struggled with similar issues during 1st grade - most of which revolved around homework time, but it feels worse than last year.  And like now, there were good days/weeks and bad days/weeks.  She'd get frustrated with me and end up in her room with a punishment.  Looking back now, my occasional yelling and pushing her buttons didn't help the situation and I resolved to be more patient with her and get control over any yelling (which is much easier when your mother-in-law is living upstairs).  Despite my efforts to be sweet, patient, and understanding, homework time has been a total nightmare and I feel like I am walking on egg shells with her.  She has been blowing up and the temper and tantrums have been epic.  She has been SO disrespectful to me and apparently I'm the worst mom ever.  And she goes back and forth about the whole move to Utah - she is glad to be by her cousins, but is sad that she doesn't live in AZ anymore.  She has been downright awful to Andrew (sibling rivalry/jealousy/bossy) and I have to referee their playtime.  We're all emotionally exhausted.

I have been grateful to have Nancy as a witness and to help talk through things with me.  More than a couple times, she has been a mediator or stepped in during very sticky situations with Rachel.  We've also made a couple breakthroughs to try to help identify Rachel's issues and what sets her off.  One of those issues is that she is easily frustrated when she is learning something new or isn't good at something.  I have definitely seen some perfectionism in her.  In fact, she is very nervous about getting baptized next year because she knows she will make mistakes and is worried about having to repent about everything and feeling bad about it - she just wishes she could be perfect - this is not normal pressure for a 7 year old to feel and we are trying to help her understand that everyone makes mistakes!  She also feels very jealous that the younger kids don't have the same responsibilities as her and don't have to do homework.  She is envious of the relationship that Kendall and Andrew have and she often feels left out since she's at school all day and they get to do fun things together.  They know not to tell Rachel if they went somewhere fun because that can really set her off!!  My final concern is that she is an ANGEL to adults and kids outside her home - it's almost as if she bottles it all in and then just explodes when she gets home.  Or sometimes it's more like an on/off button and she can turn it on or off when she feels like it.  We have had some difficult weeks and it has been very difficult to reason with her and choose meaningful consequences for her behavior.  I desperately want to help her and want what is best for her.  It's hard to know what she's going through and how much of this is related to our current situation and what could be a phase vs. long-term issues.  

Whew!  That was a lot of negative there about one of the sweetest, most talented, thoughtful 7 year olds that I know.  I love her so deeply, and want to be a good parent to her!  Parenting is so hard, and the oldest gets to be the guinea pig.